Creating Calm Amongst The Holiday Chaos: Your Neurodivergent Survival Guide

I've been coaching incredible clients with ADHD for 25 years (this month), and every single holiday season tells the same story: December brings a unique kind of overwhelm. The flood of sensory input, to-do’s and social demands can turn the festive season into an obstacle course for the neurodivergent brain.

This guide is your toolkit for managing holiday overwhelm. No vague advice - just practical strategies to help you navigate the season your way and protect your energy when everything feels too intense so you arrive in 2025 recharged and ready to go!

Here are some tips to create your version of a calmer holiday season.
 
🌟 Setting Your Holiday Boundaries

Your energy = precious resource. Like your mobile phone's battery life on a busy day - you want to save it for the apps and activities that really matter. Guard it rigorously.
 
The Joy Filter ✓
First things first: Let's sort the genuine joy from the noise. Ask yourself:
• "Does this genuinely bring me joy or just obligation?"
• "Will I feel energised or drained after this?"
• "Is this my 'should' or someone else's?"
• "Would I do this if nobody's feelings were involved?"
• "Does this align with how I actually want to spend my energy?"
 
Permission granted: Say no to events that don't light you up inside. Your energy bank isn't infinite, and that's perfectly okay.

Boundary Scripts That Work
Copy, personalise, and use these real-world tried and tested phrases:
• "Thanks for thinking of me! I'm keeping things low-key this year to look after my well-being."
• "I can pop in for an hour, but I'll need to head out early - it helps me manage my energy."
• "I'm looking after my energy levels this season, so I'm being selective with commitments."
• "That sounds lovely, but I'm at capacity right now. Could we plan something quieter in January?"
• "I need to pass this time, but I'd love to hear all about it afterwards!"

🔋 Managing Your Energy
Think mobile phone battery: You wouldn't run your phone until it dies. Your brain deserves the same care. Actually, it deserves even better care - you can't just plug it in for a quick charge!
 
Recharge Station Ideas
Indoor Calm Zones:
• Quiet reading nook with noise-cancelling headphones and weighted blanket
• Cosy blanket fort with fairy lights and comfort items
• Bathroom sanctuary (yes, really!) with relaxing music, essential oils and deep breathing
• Car decompression station with favourite music and snacks
• Spare room retreat with dimmed lights.
 
Outdoor Reset Points:
• Quick nature walks with no destination required
• Stargazing moments wrapped in a warm coat
• Garden sitting spots with a hot drink and blanket
• Weather watching windows away from the crowd
• Any quiet corner where you can see the sky
 
Self-Compassion Shortcuts for Overwhelm
When the holiday overwhelm hits (and it will - that's normal!):
1 Name it: "I'm feeling overwhelmed right now, and that's okay"
2 Normalise it: "Many people find this challenging - I'm not alone"
3 Comfort yourself: "What would I say to a friend in this situation?"
4 Take action: "What's one tiny thing I can do right now to help myself?"
5 Celebrate: "I noticed my needs - that's huge!"

🎯 Clever Event Planning
Your Energy Budget: Treat your energy like money - invest it wisely. Some events are worth the splurge; others aren't worth the pennies.
 
The 1:2 Rule
For every hour of socialising, plan for:
• 2 hours of recovery time (minimum!)
• 1 solid recharge activity (something you actually enjoy)
• Zero guilt about needing this (it's not lazy, it's smart)
• Quiet space identified in advance
• Exit strategy ready to go
 
Traffic Light Decision System  (Prevent Overwhelm Before It Starts)
Rate each invitation using this traffic light system to avoid overwhelm:
1 Absolutely brilliant! (Energising) GREEN
◦ You're excited just thinking about it
◦ The people there get you
◦ You can be yourself fully unmasked
2 Perhaps (Neutral) AMBER
◦ Might be okay with the right support
◦ Could work with proper boundaries
◦ Worth considering with modifications
3 Absolutely not! (Draining) RED
◦ Your gut says no
◦ Past experience says no
◦ Your energy bank says no
 
Only commit to the events that excite you. Everything else is optional. Yes, even the ones that "everyone" goes to.

🚪 Brilliant Exit Strategies
Your Escape Kit:
• Pre-set alarm "emergencies" (multiple, just in case!)
• Charged mobile + headphones (your portable calm bubble).
• Comfort items in pockets (fidgets, mints, earplugs)
• Transport plan (don't rely on others for escape)
• Practised exit lines (rehearse them - it helps!)
• Backup plan if Plan A fails
• Support person who knows your signals
 
Quick Exit Scripts
Master these, practise them, use them without guilt:
• "I need some fresh air" (true and unquestionable)
• "My energy's running low" (honest and clear)
• "I promised myself an early night" (a promise to yourself counts!)
• "I've got another commitment" (self-care absolutely counts!)
• "Thanks for a lovely time, I'm heading off while I'm still good company"

🌿 Nature Reset Button
Why nature works: When holiday overwhelm peaks, nature provides the perfect reset. It's sensory-rich without being overwhelming - like a gentle reset button for your nervous system.
 
5-Minute Nature Resets
Quick hits of calm when you need them:
1 Feel crisp air on your face (instant nervous system reset)
2 Find 3 interesting textures (grounding through touch)
3 Watch clouds or leaves move (natural mindfulness)
4 Listen for natural sounds (pulls you out of thought spirals)
5 Take deep breaths outside (fresh air + breathing reset)
 
Weather-Proof Options
Because British weather demands backup plans:
• Covered porch sitting with a hot drink
• Car nature watching with cosy blanket
• Window cloud spotting from your quiet corner
• Indoor plant corner
• Nature sounds on headphones (when outside isn't possible). Amazon Alexa’s “ocean sounds” is my favourite!
 
📝 Your Holiday Checklists
Daily Energy Check ✓
□ Current energy level (1-10)? □ Planned recovery time? □ Exit strategy ready? □ Comfort items packed? □ Nature break scheduled? □ Support person briefed? □ Quiet space identified?
 
Event Preparation ✓
□ Transport sorted (both ways!) □ Quiet space located and checked □ Time limits set and communicated □ Exit excuse ready and rehearsed □ Recovery day blocked in calendar □ Comfort items packed and checked □ Support strategies ready
 
Joy Filter ✓
□ Do I actually want to go? □ Is this energising or draining? □ Have I planned recovery time? □ Can I leave early if needed? □ Does this align with my needs? □ Have I prepared my toolkit? □ Is there a clear benefit to attending?
 
💫 Remember This
Your holiday season = your rules
You're not being difficult. You're being:
• Self-aware (that's a superpower)
• Energy-smart (that's intelligence)
• Boundary-healthy (that's strength)
• Incredibly wise (that's growth)
• True to yourself (that's authenticity)
 
Your Holiday Mantra
"I honour my needs without apology. My wellbeing matters."
 
Print-and-Keep Wisdom:
• Your limits are valid (all of them)
• Saying no creates space for yes (energy physics!)
• Rest is productive (essential, actually)
• Nature heals (science proves it)
• You know your needs best (trust yourself)
• Small breaks prevent big crashes
• Perfect attendance isn't a prize worth winning
 
Use what works. Skip what doesn't. This is your season to experience and enjoy in your own perfect way. You've got this, and you're doing brilliantly.

About the author:
Linda Fox is a Certified ADHD Life Coach (CALC) with 25 years of experience. She is a member of the International Coaching Federation (ICF) and the ADHD Coaches Organisation (ACO) and works at the Adult ADHD Coach to help adults with ADHD to understand and improve their executive functions.