ADHD and Stress: Why it hits harder and how to cope

My name is Jessica Valentine, and I am a Consultant Psychologist who works with neurodivergent individuals helping them to manage anxiety, trauma, and work-related stress. I have first-hand experience of living with ADHD, so I understand the unique challenges faced by busy brains, and can offer manageable, practical solutions to help you cope when things get difficult. 

Feeling more stressed than blessed? Here’s why 

ADHD brains have a lot going on. Even during times when you may appear to be functioning just fine, you may well be carrying an invisible mental load that people don’t see. Simply functioning in a neurotypical world can be overwhelming and exhausting. 

There are a number of things that may cause your busy brain to feel stressed on a day-to-day basis. 

-Executive dysfunction  

This describes your brain’s challenge with planning, prioritising, and following through on activities. Tasks that your neurotypical peers may view as a simple ‘to do’ can actually trigger feelings of overwhelm when you struggle to break the task down into its component parts, or to get started. 

-Time blindness 

From struggling to estimate how long a task will take, to the pressure of running late, time-related issues may cause your busy brain to be in a constant state of urgency and stress. Couple this with a heightened feeling of sensitivity that people will be upset or angry with you if you don’t complete something in a timely manner, it’s easy to see how you can find yourself constantly feeling under pressure. 

-Masking 

The pressure to fit into a neurotypical world can be huge for ADHDers. Using your precious energy trying to identify neurotypical behaviours and then mirror these in order to feel accepted is mentally exhausting, especially as you may do this without consciously realising it!  

Women and girls in particular suffer from societal expectations to behave in a certain way (not to mention the issue of later diagnosis and therefore a lack of support!). This can lead to people-pleasing behaviour which is tiring and stressful. 

-Sensory overload 

Noisy eaters, bright lights, crowded places and even the seams of your clothing might be too much for your nervous system, potentially leading to a meltdown. 

-Perfectionism  

It’s not unusual for busy brains to set themselves impossible standards when they have a task to complete. Creating unachievable goals means jobs either fail to be completed, or constantly making tweaks and amends, never feeling like it’s good enough. Unsurprisingly, this can be detrimental to your mental wellbeing. 

-Monotropic split 

You may be unfamiliar with this phrase, but ‘monotropism’ refers to a cognitive style where individuals can only focus on one activity at a time – common in those with ADHD. 

‘Monotropic split’ occurs when a monotropic brain is expected to act in a ‘polytropic’ way – i.e. focusing on two or more things at once (for example being given multiple tasks to do at work). This requires a lot of mental processing, which puts the brain in a trauma response and can lead to burnout. 

How does stress show up in ADHDers? 

Many ADHDers live in an almost constant state of overwhelm or overstimulation, meaning stress can start to feel like your ‘default’ setting. When you’re constantly dealing with sensory issues, managing deadlines and pushing through your executive dysfunction issues, it can be easy to miss the very clear signs that your body is giving you. 

Physical signs to look out for include headaches, a tense jaw, IBS, and lower back pain. If you suffer with tinnitus, this can also be triggered or worsened by stress. 

Other symptoms you may notice are trouble sleeping, doomscrolling, increased dysregulation, mental fog and emotional reactivity. 

How can you help yourself in times of stress? 

Noticing is the first step, so try to take a moment each day to check in with yourself. Mentally scan from the top of your head down to your toes and observe if there are any areas of tension. 

Reflect on your mood and behaviour – have you been snappy, impatient or even completely zoned out and disconnected? These are all clues that you are experiencing stress. If that happens, here are some things you can do to level-up your mood. 

Get outside 

You may have heard the phrase ‘nature is the best healer’. It’s not just a saying - this is backed up by research. Being outdoors has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety and depression, and improve your cognitive function. You don’t need to live in the countryside to reap the benefits – even a walk in your local park will do you good. 

Good mood foods 

What you eat doesn’t just impact your body – it can also affect your mindset.  

Do you find yourself reaching for comfort foods such as chocolate, sweets or crisps during times of stress? These may feel comforting in the moment, but ultimately won’t do anything to balance your mood. Sugary or starchy treats cause a blood sugar spike followed by a slump, which may leave you feeling even worse off than before. 

Instead, here are some mindful munchies you might want to try. 

-Fermented foods 

Your gut and your mind are big communicators, so if your tummy is happy and settled, your mood will follow suit. Fermented foods such as yoghurt, kimchi and sauerkraut are rich in probiotics and can help nourish your gut microbiome. 

-Nuts 

Nuts are a great source of protein, which is super helpful for keeping your blood sugar and mood on an even keel. In particular, try to include pistachios, cashews and peanuts. These are a source of tryptophan – an amino acid your body uses to produce melatonin and serotonin. This can help improve your sleep – vital to keep your mind and body in balance. 

Find your happy place 

This may not necessarily be a physical ‘place’ (although if it is then that’s great too!). We all have something in life that makes us feel good – this might be playing with a pet, taking a dance class or seeing a friend. It may sound obvious that these things are beneficial, but in times of high stress, we can sometimes overlook the things that are right in front of us as we’re so caught up in our own worries. Take some time to spend in your happy place and boost that sweet sweet dopamine! 

Put yourself first 

This might sound simple, but we all know it often isn’t. If your stress is caused by the competing demands of others, it might be time to start setting some boundaries.  

-Is your workload too excessive? 

-Are there family duties that constantly fall to you to take care of? 

-Does a friend make demands on your social battery that they don’t reciprocate? 

If any of these sound familiar, it might be time to (kindly) address the issue. Setting a boundary and managing others’ expectations about what you can and can’t do might feel difficult at first (especially if you have ADHD people-pleasing tendencies!) but in the long run, it can prevent you from a lot of stress and frustration.  

About the author

Jessica Valentine is a Chartered Psychologist who specialises in women’s and men’s wellbeing, as well as family issues. She supports clients with their mental health at both the Brighton Wellness Centre and the Priory clinic. Her integrative, whole-person approach to ADHD is shaped by a blend of clinical research and lived experience. 

Jessica was diagnosed with ADHD herself, giving her a deep insight into the everyday challenges neurodivergent individuals face. She’s passionate about helping others create healthy habits that support greater calm, clarity, and emotional balance. Discover more about Jessica and her approach to care here.