Feeling Everything All at Once: RSD and Emotional Intensity in ADHD

Hi, I’m Franck, a Neurodiversity in the Workplace Coach. I help busy professionals understand and make the most of their ADHD and other conditions. My own dyspraxia diagnosis at university and my late ADHD diagnosis at age 30 set me on a path to self-reflection. Rediscovering who I am hasn’t been easy. It’s been a journey marked at times by self-doubt, burnout, and moments where I felt like I just wasn’t quite reaching my potential.   

Coaching gave me the space to recognise my challenges and embrace my strengths. Experiencing its impact firsthand lit a fire in me, and I knew I wanted to help others in the same situation by becoming a coach myself. 

If you or a loved one has ADHD, you’ve likely heard the term RSD - Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria. For many of my clients (and, at times, for me personally too!) RSD isn't just a fancy acronym. It's a lived experience that shapes how we relate to others, process feedback, and view ourselves. 

What is RSD? 

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria is an intense emotional response to rejection or criticism. Whether these are real or perceived is irrelevant - your ADHD brain experiences them in the same way. RSD is more than just feeling hurt - it can feel like an emotional freefall. Studies show that up to 70% of adults with ADHD experience emotional dysregulation, and RSD is a key contributor.(1) 

For many of us, this hypersensitivity is often misunderstood. We're labelled ‘too sensitive’ or ‘defensive,’ leading us to mask our true selves, when in reality our brains are wired to experience emotions more intensely. It’s not just about an emotional overreaction - it’s about how our nervous systems process stimuli. 

Why does your ADHD brain react this way? 

There are several aspects to RSD - two of which are neurological and psychological. 

The neurological explanation 

Whether joy, frustration, anger, or anything else, ADHD brains are hard-wired to experience emotions more intensely. Working memory issues can cause what would normally be a passing emotion to become overly intense, and your feelings may become overwhelming. 

The psychological explanation 

Many of us have been shaped by years of negative experiences. It’s said that children with ADHD receive 20,000 more corrective messages by the age of 10 than their neurotypical peers. It's hardly a surprise that this can have a negative impact on your self-esteem. (2)

Over time, we might then begin to create ‘stories’ about ourselves that we buy into:  

“I'm not good enough.”  

“I'm always letting people down.” 

“People are sick of me” 

These stories might in turn be triggered whenever something feels remotely like criticism or rejection, even if it wasn’t intended that way. Unsurprisingly, these triggers hit close to home. What someone else may consider to be a throwaway comment can leave us reeling. We may feel like our values, competence, or identity are under attack. 

How RSD shows up  

For me, and many of the ADHDers I work with, RSD can show up in a range of ways.  

Fight - we may find ourselves snapping or arguing back 

Flight - some people completely shut down or disappear into avoidance.  

Freeze - this is a state of mental paralysis where you may not be able to formulate a response 

Fawn - this might mean over-apologising or trying to smooth over the situation and preventing others from rejecting you further. 

None of these reactions are necessarily choices - they're your nervous system’s automatic response towards a difficult situation, something we may be able to train ourselves on and improve over time (through coaching or a range of alternative approaches). 

We often learn to mask our true feelings, pretending we’re fine while burning out inside. That’s why learning to manage RSD starts with awareness. 

How to support someone with RSD 

If someone in your life has ADHD and RSD, your support can make a huge difference. The key? Approach them with curiosity, not judgement. 

Be mindful of your tone, especially when offering feedback. A helpful model is the COIN technique:

• Connect first, establish trust.
• Observe without assumptions.
• Share the Impact of the behaviour.
• Suggest Next steps together. 

Create safe, non-judgemental spaces for open conversations. And most importantly, remember: we're not broken or overreacting. We're responding to years of hurt, misunderstanding, and overwhelm. 

Conclusion 

Living with ADHD can sometimes mean feeling things on full volume. But with tools, support, and compassion, emotional intensity can be a strength. It means we might care deeply, love fiercely, and show up with passion. We might then need to learn how to channel that energy in ways that serve, rather than sabotage, us. 

If RSD resonates with you, know you're not alone. And if you're supporting someone who struggles with emotional intensity, thank you for being part of their safety net. 

About the author 

Franck is the founder of Conscious Clarity and host of the Conscious Curiosity Podcast. He provides neurodiversity coaching and training focused on turning workplace performance into potential.