From Chaos to Calm - Building a Better Relationship with Your Home

Have you ever been on holiday and thought, “I wish I could live like this all the time?” There’s space for your clothes. No piles of paperwork. No looming laundry. The kitchen feels calm and almost minimalist (even if you secretly miss your favourite juicer!) 

There’s something about a holiday space that feels instantly relaxing. With less stuff around, there’s simply less to manage. 

And then you come home. 

Does your home feel like you? A place where you can relax, recharge, and feel at ease? 

Or does it feel like another thing quietly nagging you to “do better”? 

If it’s the latter, you’re not alone. And the good news is... this relationship can change.

Why do our homes tend to fill up? 

Working as a professional organiser, I’ve seen firsthand how overwhelming a too-full home can feel, and the huge sense of relief as spaces become less full and easier to manage. 

Many of the busy brain traits that lead to clutter also define us – we're brilliant at seeing possibilities... rescuing things because we can imagine what they could become: 
“That table has so much potential - I could upcycle it!” 

We get excited about new ideas: 
“I’m definitely going to start doing… [insert new obsession] so I’ll need all the things.” 

And are crazily optimistic: 
“I don’t have time right now, but one day I will.” 

Not only that, but it’s too easy to buy things online (especially when tired, bored, or emotional), so it’s no surprise that things build up. Multi-buy deals, duplicates, ‘just in case’ items… they all quietly fill up space. 

So why is it so hard to let things go?

Clutter isn’t just “stuff.” It’s often tied up with intention, memory, and unfinished tasks. 

For many ADHDers, piles act like visual reminders: 
“If I put it away, I’ll forget about it.” 

Decluttering also involves lots of small steps - decisions, sorting, returning items - which feel disproportionately hard with impaired dopamine function. 

Then there’s the desire to do things properly: 
“I should recycle this the right way.” 
“Someone would really love this.” 
“I should sell it to get some money back.” 

And of course, the all-or-nothing thinking: 
“I’ll tackle it when I have a whole day (or week).” 

So things stay. And more arrive. And start to weigh on us too heavily... 

First: this is not a moral issue 

Before anything practical, this matters most. 

Your home is not messy because you’re lazy. 

You’re not failing. Your brain simply works differently. 

Self-compassion is one of the most powerful busy brain-friendly tools you can develop. 

Notice the shift:

Before: 
“My home is such a mess. Why can’t I get this sorted? I feel ashamed.” 

After: 
“This room is starting to bug me. I’m noticing I’m avoiding it. What might help me get started?” 

That gentle curiosity opens the door to change. Shame keeps it firmly shut. 

Redefine “tidy enough” 

Many of us unknowingly hold ourselves to an impossible standard. On the “Tidy vs Messy spectrum”, “Tidy” often means perfect, “Messy” covers everything else, from a few clothes on a chair to being knee deep in clutter.

So if things aren’t perfect, it feels like failure.

Instead, try creating your own version of “tidy enough.” 

What level feels manageable? Comfortable? Good enough for your real life? 

And remember - we rarely see the everyday reality of other people’s homes - just the version they choose to show us. 

Slow down… 

A friend once said to me:

Have you ever been on holiday and thought, “I wish I could live like this all the time?”  

There’s space for your clothes. No piles of paperwork. No looming laundry. The kitchen feels calm and almost minimalist (even if you secretly miss your favourite juicer!)  

There’s something about a holiday space that feels instantly relaxing. With less stuff around, there’s simply less to manage.  

And then you come home.  

Does your home feel like you? A place where you can relax, recharge, and feel at ease?  

Or does it feel like another thing quietly nagging you to “do better”?  

If it’s the latter, you’re not alone. And the good news is... this relationship can change.  

Why do our homes tend to fill up?  

Working as a professional organiser, I’ve seen firsthand how overwhelming a too-full home can feel, and the huge sense of relief as spaces become less full and easier to manage.  

Many of the busy brain traits that lead to clutter also define us – we're brilliant at seeing possibilities... rescuing things because we can imagine what they could become:  
“That table has so much potential - I could upcycle it!”  

We get excited about new ideas:  
“I’m definitely going to start doing… [insert new obsession] so I’ll need all the things.”  

And are crazily optimistic:  
“I don’t have time right now, but one day I will.”  

Not only that, but it’s too easy to buy things online (especially when tired, bored, or emotional), so it’s no surprise that things build up. Multi-buy deals, duplicates, ‘just in case’ items… they all quietly fill up space.  

So why is it so hard to let things go?  

Clutter isn’t just “stuff.” It’s often tied up with intention, memory, and unfinished tasks.  

“The only difference between a tidy person and a messy person is that a tidy person finishes the job.” 

That really stayed with me. 

Our brains are fast. We move quickly from one thing to the next, often leaving a trail of half-finished tasks behind. 

Now, I try (not perfectly!) to pause - especially when I come home - and finish small things like unpacking before moving on. 

Tiny pauses can make a big difference. 

Gentle ways to get started 

If you’re ready to tackle your space, keep it simple and ADHD-friendly. 

1. Phone a friend 

Body doubling can make a huge difference. Being on a call while you tidy helps you stay focused and makes it less boring. 

Tip: if someone offers to help, make sure they are non-judgmental. (You decide what stays and what goes.) 

 2. Gamify it 

Make it light and achievable: 

• 10-minute tidy 
• Find 10 items to donate 
• Clear one shelf 

Small wins build momentum. Big, overwhelming plans usually don’t.

3. Make it easier to be tidier 

If something keeps ending up in the same place, that’s useful information, not failure. 

For example: 

• Add hooks by the door for keys 
• Upgrade a “floordrobe” into a “chairdrobe” 
• Use open baskets or tubs instead of complicated storage 
• Try clear, coloured or labelled containers to improve visibility 

Work from where you are.

4. Give things a home 

Everything doesn’t need to be perfectly organised, but it helps if it has a general place to live. 

Start by gathering things together into ‘families’. For example: 

• Clothes 
• Paperwork 
• Tech 
• Sentimental items 
• Seasonal items 

Then organise these into smaller categories in a way that makes sense to you. 

A helpful guideline: 

• Store things where you’d naturally look for them, or 
• Where you use them most 

Everyday items need to be easy to reach. Occasional items can live further away.

5. Keep decluttering simple 

Most items fall into three categories: 

• Bin 
• Belongs elsewhere 
• Donate 

Try to move these on quickly, so they don’t become a new pile. 

Two simple approaches 

A Small Sort

Perfect when just one area is bothering you.

Pick a drawer or shelf. 
Take everything out (no “fishing” around). 
Only put back what truly belongs there. 

Aim for about 80% full - completely full spaces are harder to use and maintain.

A Big Sort

If a room feels overwhelming, go broader.

Start with obvious categories: 

• Rubbish 
• Clothes 
• Dishes 
• Paperwork 

Create loose piles without overthinking. Then tackle one category at a time. 

This reduces decision fatigue and creates quick, visible progress. 

A final thought 

Your home doesn’t need to be perfect to support you. 

It just needs to feel a little lighter. A little easier. A little more like somewhere you can breathe out and relax. 

You’re not aiming for a show home. You’re creating a space that works for your beautifully busy, creative, ADHD brain. 

And small shifts - done with kindness - really do add up. 

About the Author 

Sarah Bickers is an ICF-qualified Life Coach and founder of Free Your Space  where she helps her clients find ADHD-friendly solutions to organise their homes, improve wellbeing and reduce overwhelm. If you would benefit from working with Sarah, get in touch here.